Hey guys! I know it’s been ages but I’ve been doing a lot more than I’ve been posting. This song is not actually new but it is newly finished. I started writing Be Still in summer of 2016 and I was having a difficult time hearing God’s voice in the midst of circumstances with my family. I abandoned it and sang a bit of it toMitchell( my ever so talented sister friend) and she got on the guitar so a song that took me ages to figure out was finished in 5 minutes. God is known as ‘Jehovah Shalom’ which means ‘God is peace’. I love this name of God because it just draws me into awe of God. In Nehemiah it says that the clouds are dust at God’s feet yet these same clouds are what we admire with such awe. How much more our God? He is so mighty yet he bothers to stretch out his hand to us and I love it. This song Be Still is one of many that just calls God’s people to chill and enjoy the beauty of a powerful yet loving God. I pray it speaks to your heart.
It’s been a minute! Life has been in the way but hey, even if I’m not making much right now I need to inform you about my friend who is doing bits for God with her new YouTube page. Check out this new short movie / poem. I know you’ll enjoy it xxx. Follow her on twitter and insta @mitchthepoet
I feel like a TinuksTalks video has been long overdue so before you guys forget my face, here’s some truth about what i’ve been learning in terms of just living life fully and joyfully. I have been so inspired lately to carry on all that i started in faith so here we go! I’m a bit rusty but enjoy ❤
At first I wasn’t going to share my journey but a testimony is only a testimony if it’s shared so here we go. It’s been a while since I posted but I had a million ideas that didn’t finish executing. I’ll start from the beginning. In the Christmas holiday 2016 , my mum came over to spend Christmas with my siblings and I and she was really ill having lost 20kg. I didn’t understand what was going on and even though we were having some conflict because we disagreed on something, I was very concerned about her health and felt she was hiding something from me. We went to the hospital because she was terribly jaundiced and she went back to Nigeria because she had to work but we were meant to go to Singapore together in February and I planned to miss uni for a week to travel with her. When she went back to Nigeria , I spoke to her nearly everyday but sometimes she was in too much pain to pick up the phone. At some point she just stopped picking up the phone and that is when I became seriously worried. It had been a week or so and there was no response to emails, phone calls or texts from a woman who requested that I called her everyday and was angry when I did otherwise. She called me after a week and spoke for about three minutes because she was on morphin and then the network gave in and there was no call back. That was the last time I spoke to my mum.
On Wednesday the 1st of March I had a heavy feeling that my mum was going to die. I normally go to church Wednesday evenings but I stayed home to pray, cry and talk to God. I came to the conclusion that it was all in my head but whatever happens , God is on my side. That Saturday, I was in Warwick for my friend’s 20th birthday celebration and my brother called me, told me to sit where my friends are and then told me my mum had passed away. It felt almost unreal and a rush of questions ran through my head all at once such that pain was building up in my heart yet. I did not “feel God” at that moment but as those questions rushed through my head, so did a range of bible verses that kept my spirit going through the difficult year.
“Planted in you is a seed of peace and prosperity ”
“God withholds no good thing from those who walk up rightly ”
“There is joy for those whose strength is in the Lord ”
“Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds” James 1:2
How does one consider the experience of a mother’s death as an opportunity for joy? The bible can be backwards. The first week after I was in denial of emotions. Anyone who knows me well enough knows that I do not embrace my emotions but this was heavy. I was constantly tired, I couldn’t do any uni work and emotionally there was a weight on my chest. There was a lot to sort out so I dove into organisation to keep myself busy and avoid being by myself. Regardless of my denial, God was still speaking through sermons and in my quiet time to tell me to keep building. I’m going to be honest with you. At this point , I didn’t see what more I can build. My mum was my financial support, my encourager, a role model and the person I have so many memories with. She was the one who bothered herself daily when I was ill and who told me things about myself no one ever dared to tell me. I was shook. We never liked to imagine the worst and my mum passed away from pancreatic cancer that metastasised to her liver and I didn’t know. I’m some ways, I felt guilty. On another hand, I felt incapable of filling the shoes left behind. I could not be business mogul and mother so that lack of sufficiency layed heavy on me but that is where God’s promises come in to affirm us that through our insufficiency , Gods grace is sufficient. It’s strange how through the painful experience , God has shown me so much love. From the first day I found out, all my families have been a massive support for my siblings and I. My church family have filled my life with more laughter and hope through the word of God and banter. My family in Nigeria stepped in from day one to lift the load for all of us in terms of organisation and funds.
I hadn’t been back to Nigeria for 4 years due to a range of family issues that I won’t go into detail about so as to not give Lagos gossips something to talk about. I was scared to come back because I was so used to having such a small family. I didn’t remember what it was like to have a massive amount of people care for me. I had gone through the journey of forgiveness but God showed me I still had more forgiving to do. I’ll say something, if you think you are a born again Christian and you refuse to let go of any fixed negative opinion or slight hatred (an absence of love ) for someone, your salvation will be hindered. I had to let go completely of whatever i had heard or been told about anyone , start from the beginning and trust God. I have met so many people with trust issues and I have come to the conclusion that trust issues is an issue for those who try to trust in people more than God. My trust issues had to be thrown aside along with every sin that was keeping me from seeing God’s hand (Hebrews 12) and I had to go into Nigeria with an open mind and graceful heart. I thank God for letting me do that because he showed me that there was more to the story than I thought. Throughout this whole process, there are a million things I learnt but I will share a valuable lesson. If you are not born again, you are living for nothing because when the going gets tough , you will want to get tougher and come to the realisation that some things are beyond human strength. God’s words are the most comforting words and fulfilling promises. Moreover, the Holy Spirit that plays out the truth of those words with power in our hearts will take a problem and show you that you are a human by letting you go through the pain and experience emotions but will comfort you by showing you who God is. God is a father. God is the only one who can restore in a way that surpasses our understanding. God wants us to talk to him about our pain and know that it’s okay not to be okay sometimes. It’s okay to cry and scream and tell God you have no idea what to do because it is when you embrace your weakness that God in his infinite strength can step in. Faith as small as a mustard seed is literally all you need. I had the littlest faith every day as I never expected God to do half the amazing things He did, I just knew he would do something and that little something is all I held on to for prayers to be answered with provision , joy and peace.
Now, I’m still not 100 percent okay. Exam season is coming and I don’t know where to start. There are a million things to sort out and I’m relearning so many people in both sides of my massive family so it’s a tad bit overwhelming. All I know at the point is that God has me in the palm of his hands and whatever happens, as long as I put my feet when he puts his light, the darkness before my eyes will become light. He’s so good even when the circumstances are bitter. I am so thankful for every step of trouble I have experienced to get to this point of fulfilment in Christ. After a month of offloading emotions and battling with my pride, I can finally say that from embracing weakness I count it all as joy.
My plan for this year was to take everything by storm but I would be lying if I didn’t sy that this year really jumped out at me in a way that I never expected it to. They say God never gives you more than you can handle but in the past month I’ve learnt that God loves to pour onto us a lot more than our human bodies, minds and hearts can bare so that we can lean on his Spirit that is our crutch. I have had to deal with life threatening situations in my family, added responsibilities, the work load of a medical student and internal battles of confronting the past in order to move on to my future. It doesn’t sound like a lot and I wouldn’t go into detail because I have nothing to prove but I will tell you that it is more than I can handle. I’ve been waiting to get out of this phase of feeling like I’ve been more or less struggling and have been waiting for life to go back to being less imperfect than it is but I had a conviction. It’s so easy for us to write and encourage people when everything is rosy and sweet but what about in the times when you have gone through periods of crying yourself to sleep and you’re only slowly starting to heal but still possessing symptoms of brokenness? Even though I am mentally exhausted from overthinking about God’s will for my life, physically exhausted in trying to be in more than one place at a time and emotionally exhausted from carrying weights of condemnation from mistakes I made before I was a teenager and second-guessing who I am , my Spirit is still willing to keep going because I may once in a while find it hard to be assured in who I am, but I know that my hope is stemmed from who I belong to.
I’ve been reading Zechariah discontinuously for about two months now and for some reason I felt like writing a letter to myself based on all I learnt about who I am and who I belong to.
Once again you find yourself in a place where you see yourself no better than the Israelites who always seemed to reject God. You also did that in the way you lived. You rejected God when you entertained lustful desires when you were a young child and lived in denial all your life. You rejected God in your insecurity as you lived in fear of past, future and present so always occupied your mind with distractions to keep you from seeing that your life was not free. You rejected God in your frustration at life and yourself every time you did something wrong and covered it with sand because you thought it was too perfect to be seen. When you degraded his temple with your unholy activities, when you let worry become your idol, when you doubted the significance of his people in your life, in all these occasions, you rejected God and he knows that you did. Note to self, God is not angry at you. Once you were broken away from his favour and union but never forget that he is with you. You are more than forgiven, you have been snatched out of fire and redeemed like an exile that has been called home to live as a king. You are special to God and he is building you up according to his standards of righteousness. It may seem hard but keep building. He has given you the desire and will to do what pleases him and every time you feel your desires are being changes, call him and he will help you. Be strong! That means that even in your weakest moments, rely on the Spirit of the Lord because from there stems peace and prosperity. Be patient and wait for God to send rain when your life looks a bit dry and things don’t seem to be growing. Allow him to change you. Don’t be afraid to be honest with God about your past or present because he already knows, he just needs you to let him in. Don’t be afraid of construction. You’re a work in progress. Sometimes the process seems long and hard but in every area that God is building you, he is making you unshakeable. Trust in the security of his promises and that your salvation is being worked out. God is getting rid of those weights that make you cry yourself to sleep sometimes and make you feel weak in prayer and he is building strength in you. You are not alone. I know people have disappointed you but there are people who care about you. Cry, call, talk and be okay not being okay. Be real with yourself and others. Stop faking your smile and just pray to God or ask to be prayed for. Stop living in denial. Confront the past, let God invade the present and focus your eyes on his love to guide you to the future. You can only be you and the you God made is not rejected, torn down or distraught. She is a loud laughing, joyful singing, strong fighting broken spirit who through the power of God is still strong in weakness. Trust in the Lord with all your heart because he is not and never will be done with you.
Every time I hear this song, it reminds me that regardless of where i’m at and how I feel, who I am is not defined by my position in life but the direction of my worship. He has called us his own. I hope someone is encouraged.
2017 IS HERE! There have been so many promises but we’re holding on to them and pressing forward to all the great new things starting with a new theme called ‘ART BY ELOHIM’! This video is just a glimpse of all the amazing things to come! I know you’ll enjoy! last year was just the foundation. Watch out because God has promised MORE!