What Healing Looks Like

People always talk about healing but what does healing really look like ? You can organise workshops on healing, attend counselling and pray all day long but there is a load on the heart that could stick there like glue. I’m in a weird place where a lot of people expect me to be super sad because it’s been a year today since my mum passed away. Even though that experience was painful and sometimes it feels overwhelming to think of, I myself am shocked as to how people can touch where what seemed like nails at the time pierced deeply and I don’t feel pain. Here is how I deal with my loads in life.

1. PRAISE

Praise is one of the most underestimated and misunderstood activities in peoples lives. I woke up yesterday morning with a really strong urge to praise God. I’ve been a Christian for 2 and a half years now or so and I fell in love with praise only in December. Normally, praise is something I do because I have to but my Christmas experience in Nigeria changed my life. My step mum would lock herself in her study and morning and night she would praise God. This inspired me to really dig into praise and I would dance , I would shout, I would jump in the secret place. It’s crazy how I know how to dance when my friends are there but what about in the secret place? Sometimes when I sing on stage in service, I forget myself and just move like I do at home. It feels like release.

Why do I praise God?

Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise;

his greatness no one can fathom.

One generation commends your works to another;

they tell of your mighty acts.

They speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty—

and I will meditate on your wonderful works.”

Psalm 145:3-5

Prayer is fantastic but praying without praising is like a footballer trying to shoot the ball with no awareness of where the post is. You have to know the position and size of your post. Praise tells me how great my God- big enough to hold the oceans in his hand and for the clouds to be dust at his feet. It tells me the position of Jesus Christ who seated at the right hand of the throne of grace. He is merciful enough to forgive our sins and faithful to redeem sinners SO WE DONT STAY SINNERS but we are made new by his blood and spirit. I remember how high God is above my sin, my circumstance , the government , war, fear and any other thing that obstructs my vision.

Alright, this player is ready to shoot now.

2. I LIVE

I get to know people every day and I have an extroverted personality. Some people think living is going out to party or making a lot of money but there’s more to life than just that. I can’t just enjoy my life with basic natural things. I need life that is eternal with Jesus because that satisfies me. I live for Jesus. My heart is his. My life is his. He gives and he takes and I believe this is truth. He is my friend. He laid his life down for me before I knew I needed saving and he took up the role of a servant yet he called me friend. My response to his is to do the same. This is what friends do right ? We serve each other. As Jesus served me, even though I’m not even worth to touch him, I’ll serve him too every day by laying down my own life. He is the love of my life and my peace, my joy, my hope, my strength, my creativity is all found in him. You know what the beautiful thing is? He chose me to be loved and he gives me life from his love. This reminds me I’m never lacking. When I feel like I don’t have any reason to live, I know this is a lie from the enemy and I seek truth in the words of my lover Jesus who I was made through so that I could be his compadre for eternity. Since the whole bible is written by his spirit, I use his words to pray and I meditate on them because they draw me closer to him.

Not only do I read his word, I have to act on it. Players, if you know where the post is and that it’s in a perfect position for you to shoot your life and it’s prayers in, kick the ball!

What does living look like to you?

I’ve been reading this book called ‘Strengthening Yourself In The Lord’ and in one section it talks about testimonies. Testimony means ‘do again’ and God told us that we inherit every testimony of God. WOW! That means everything God has done in the lives of His Church (the people of God ), you inherit it. Some of you come from families with messy history. Unfortunately I do to but thankfully when I gave my life to Jesus I inherited his family history. Everything God has done for his people whether healing people with handkerchiefs or saving, delivering from addictions, parting seas into two, causing barren women to conceive, giving knowledge to the clueless, it’s all my family history now.

When I am ready to shoot my ball, these are the things I meditate on. I meditate on the testimonies and how amazing the works of God are but more so , how he can DO IT AGAIN. This way when i pray, I know that there is more than just the average everyday expectation. I’ve seen people healed when I laid hands on them. I have been delivered from pain and led people in pain to places of healing. I have seen restoration in my own life. I have seen my greed turn to kindness. I have seen addicts delivered. I have seen God provide supernaturally and more by HIS GRACE and by the Holy Spirit who is God that lives in me. He works through me like a vessel. For the things I haven’t seen, I keep believing because faith is not about what you see but what your heart believes and my heart believes that Jesus can do all things. This is my declaration.

3. I SURRENDER

This is the last one because these are big topics. We can praise and live but what are we living for ? Rather, who are we living for? Do you know there is a part of the bible that says not everyone that says ‘Lord Lord’ will enter the kingdom of heaven. That means you can shoot but your ball was not really aimed at the post. It’s almost like this player spoken about in Matthew 7:21 is aiming for the crowd so that human beings would give him praise. What is human praise compared to Gods love? It’s dust.

When my mum died I had to do a different kind of surrender. I was already a Christian but I needed to take my idea of life and put it in the hands of God. This life is not my own. I don’t live for me , I live for Jesus. I don’t own anything. No one around me is mine or belongs to me.

Wow, that’s a hard blow to take, but it’s very true.

I surrender because it’s easier. That may sound contradicting to what some people tell you but surrender is easy. It’s easier on your heart. We are all human. We can’t carry loads because it makes us tired. It’s like working out with weights every second of every day. Surrender is easy. Strong legs are not half as strong to God as falling on your knees (Psalm 147:10-11). Repent. Lay down your life and pick up a new life. For my battered and beaten heart, Jesus offered me a new, righteous , pure and loving one. Fortunately, I was not foolish enough to refuse. He offers this to you too because you have not been put on this earth to let sin make a mockery of you, your destiny is to rule with Jesus and to live like a child placing your feet in his footsteps. Greater things are ahead of you. If you want to know Jesus, and don’t have a relationship with him, read this with me;

Hi Jesus

I don’t need to introduce myself because you know my name. I am a sinner because I don’t have a relationship with you.

I thought my life was okay but it’s passive without you.

I have heard that you are life itself and I repent for my sin.

Here is my load Lord because I am not strong enough to lift it. Here is my heart because I am not big enough to fix it.

I believe you are the only way to true life and you died on the cross so I can have no more nails. I believe you rose in victory from the grave so that death stays in the grave and the power of God has set me free. I accept you as my Lord by faith.

I come to your throne declaring that my old life has passed away and I am no longer a slave. I am new in you. No more religion. No more living for the world. No more fear. No more being a victim of pain. I surrender all you you.

You have all of me and I have life in you. Fill me with your Spirit. Thank you for calling me. Thank you for your blood. Thank you for your love.

There you go. Healing is not having it all figured out or constantly being an emotional wreck. As a matter of fact, healing has little to do with us but more to do with a shifted perspective on the person of God and living out faith in this character because his word says you are already healed. You can trust that he is faithful and he loves you.

Tinuksx

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Note To Self- In Security

My plan for this year was to take everything by storm but I would be lying if I didn’t sy that this year really jumped out at me in a way that I never expected it to. They say God never gives you more than you can handle but in the past month I’ve learnt that God loves to pour onto us a lot more than our human bodies, minds and hearts can bare so that we can lean on his Spirit that is our crutch. I have had to deal with life threatening situations in my family, added responsibilities, the work load of a medical student and internal battles of confronting the past in order to move on to my future. It doesn’t sound like a lot and I wouldn’t go into detail because I have nothing to prove but I will tell you that it is more than I can handle. I’ve been waiting to get out of this phase of feeling like I’ve been more or less struggling and have been waiting for life to go back to being less imperfect than it is but I had a conviction. It’s so easy for us to write and encourage people when everything is rosy and sweet but what about in the times when you have gone through periods of crying yourself to sleep and you’re only slowly starting to heal but still possessing symptoms of brokenness?  Even though I am mentally exhausted from overthinking about God’s will for my life, physically exhausted in trying to be in more than one place at a time and emotionally exhausted from carrying weights of condemnation from mistakes I made before I was a teenager and second-guessing who I am , my Spirit is still willing to keep going because I may once in a while find it hard to be assured in who I am, but I know that my hope is stemmed from who I belong to.

I’ve been reading Zechariah discontinuously for about two months now and for some reason I felt like writing a letter to myself based on all I learnt about who I am and who I belong to.

Dear Self,

Once again you find yourself in a place where you see yourself no better than the Israelites who always seemed to reject God. You also did that in the way you lived. You rejected God when you entertained lustful desires when you were a young child and lived in denial all your life. You rejected God in your insecurity as you lived in fear of past, future and present so always occupied your mind with distractions to keep you from seeing that your life was not free. You rejected God in your frustration at life and yourself every time you did something wrong and covered it with sand because you thought it was too perfect to be seen. When you degraded his temple with your unholy activities, when you let worry become your idol, when you doubted the significance of his people in your life, in all these occasions, you rejected God and he knows that you did. Note to self, God is not angry at you. Once you were broken away from his favour and union but never forget that he is with you. You are more than forgiven, you have been snatched out of fire and redeemed like an exile that has been called home to live as a king. You are special to God and he is building you up according to his standards of righteousness. It may seem hard but keep building. He has given you the desire and will to do what pleases him and every time you feel your desires are being changes, call him and he will help you. Be strong! That means that even in your weakest moments, rely on the Spirit of the Lord because from there stems peace and prosperity. Be patient and wait for God to send rain when your life looks a bit dry and things don’t seem to be growing. Allow him to change you. Don’t be afraid to be honest with God about your past or present because he already knows, he just needs you to let him in. Don’t be afraid of construction. You’re a work in progress. Sometimes the process seems long and hard but in every area that God is building you, he is making you unshakeable. Trust in the security of his promises and that your salvation is being worked out. God is getting rid of those weights that make you cry yourself to sleep sometimes and make you feel weak in prayer and he is building strength in you. You are not alone. I know people have disappointed you but there are people who care about you. Cry, call, talk and be okay not being okay. Be real with yourself and others. Stop faking your smile and just pray to God or ask to be prayed for. Stop living in denial. Confront the past, let God invade the present and focus your eyes on his love to guide you to the future. You can only be you and the you God made is not rejected, torn down or distraught. She is a loud laughing, joyful singing, strong fighting broken spirit who through the power of God is still strong in weakness. Trust in the Lord with all your heart because he is not and never will be done with you.

Love Tinuksx

Every time I hear this song, it reminds me that regardless of where i’m at and how I feel, who I am is not defined by my position in life but the direction of my worship. He has called us his own. I hope someone is encouraged.

Chronicles of a Mind Battle

What is happening to me
What happened to the familiar grounds of my mind that once upon a time i’d gladly stroll through
the field of neural connections made by my brain i would sit and reside where the grass was always green and skies of blue remained the same now grey and the absence of the sun invites clouds of endless rain.

Looking around,  I see unfamiliar roots planting themselves,

placing their poison strategically browning my lawn of peace.

Weeds and unwanted growth, birthed from one or two words all those years ago are finally beginning to grow.

The earth, turning rotten with thoughts of defeat and a false sense of death causes me to at times believe in freedom but as one stem is destroyed three grow in its place.

what is happening to me?
the hope i had twenty four hours in a day, slowing fading away and has started hiding meanwhile I’m trying to seek it.

seek Him.

See it, seeing nothing but the field around me, no evil in sight but the spirit lingers like the stench emanating from the rotten dirt.

My own worth in my eyes deteriorating and the truth in my Maker’s eyes i can’t imagine to come to life in me although the death’s purpose was for the chains of insecurity to loose from me, left on the tree of Calvary bathed in blood for all to see that the Savior left no deed undone, every lie of the enemy dealt with under the setting sun, the Son’s spirit melting away only to rise on the third day.

Never again shall my brain fall victim to the roaring lion, whose mane is made of discouragement and pain;

inflicting loneliness and the broken spirit of Cain, a beast who’s feat is to mentally defeat and destroy my strength in Him,

a beast who aims to elevate his untruths above the truest words spoken built to revive my broken bones.

Every stick, every stone, thrown by he who so pridefully craved the throne, his heart caused his fall.

Every scratch that beat down  the wall of security, peace and  sanity in my mind’s sanctuary has been rebuilt.

Stronger than before, no weapons formed, no arrows shot, no degrading thoughts can remove my tree rooted in and growing in Christ.

Every weed attempting to choke the Christ in me, the sword of His word will remind me of words spoken over me and the rotten dirt that dares to cover up the truth will forever be washed away, by blood red blood that forever sets me free and puts my mind at ease.

The greenery that once grew, uninterrupted will stay evergreen.

Never changing and everlasting.

Mitchell Rupere

Poet’s notes :

“This piece literally describes what was happening in my head. I see my mind as a field, and when it’s infected, I can see the manifestation. This is my journey from being bound by past heartbreak to moving on to a better life trusting that anything that exalts itself above God’s Word is invalid and is planted to destroy.” 2 Corinthians10:5 says “we demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God and we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ”.

This scripture was one which motivated her fight the battles in her mind with the confidence that God has given us authority to destroy anything that goes against his perfect nature i.e everything that goes against love, against purity and against fearlessness. We fight with the spirit of God as David did to defeat Goliath and it is because of this Spirit that we should have hope. You’re more than a conqueror!

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