What Healing Looks Like

People always talk about healing but what does healing really look like ? You can organise workshops on healing, attend counselling and pray all day long but there is a load on the heart that could stick there like glue. I’m in a weird place where a lot of people expect me to be super sad because it’s been a year today since my mum passed away. Even though that experience was painful and sometimes it feels overwhelming to think of, I myself am shocked as to how people can touch where what seemed like nails at the time pierced deeply and I don’t feel pain. Here is how I deal with my loads in life.

1. PRAISE

Praise is one of the most underestimated and misunderstood activities in peoples lives. I woke up yesterday morning with a really strong urge to praise God. I’ve been a Christian for 2 and a half years now or so and I fell in love with praise only in December. Normally, praise is something I do because I have to but my Christmas experience in Nigeria changed my life. My step mum would lock herself in her study and morning and night she would praise God. This inspired me to really dig into praise and I would dance , I would shout, I would jump in the secret place. It’s crazy how I know how to dance when my friends are there but what about in the secret place? Sometimes when I sing on stage in service, I forget myself and just move like I do at home. It feels like release.

Why do I praise God?

Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise;

his greatness no one can fathom.

One generation commends your works to another;

they tell of your mighty acts.

They speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty—

and I will meditate on your wonderful works.”

Psalm 145:3-5

Prayer is fantastic but praying without praising is like a footballer trying to shoot the ball with no awareness of where the post is. You have to know the position and size of your post. Praise tells me how great my God- big enough to hold the oceans in his hand and for the clouds to be dust at his feet. It tells me the position of Jesus Christ who seated at the right hand of the throne of grace. He is merciful enough to forgive our sins and faithful to redeem sinners SO WE DONT STAY SINNERS but we are made new by his blood and spirit. I remember how high God is above my sin, my circumstance , the government , war, fear and any other thing that obstructs my vision.

Alright, this player is ready to shoot now.

2. I LIVE

I get to know people every day and I have an extroverted personality. Some people think living is going out to party or making a lot of money but there’s more to life than just that. I can’t just enjoy my life with basic natural things. I need life that is eternal with Jesus because that satisfies me. I live for Jesus. My heart is his. My life is his. He gives and he takes and I believe this is truth. He is my friend. He laid his life down for me before I knew I needed saving and he took up the role of a servant yet he called me friend. My response to his is to do the same. This is what friends do right ? We serve each other. As Jesus served me, even though I’m not even worth to touch him, I’ll serve him too every day by laying down my own life. He is the love of my life and my peace, my joy, my hope, my strength, my creativity is all found in him. You know what the beautiful thing is? He chose me to be loved and he gives me life from his love. This reminds me I’m never lacking. When I feel like I don’t have any reason to live, I know this is a lie from the enemy and I seek truth in the words of my lover Jesus who I was made through so that I could be his compadre for eternity. Since the whole bible is written by his spirit, I use his words to pray and I meditate on them because they draw me closer to him.

Not only do I read his word, I have to act on it. Players, if you know where the post is and that it’s in a perfect position for you to shoot your life and it’s prayers in, kick the ball!

What does living look like to you?

I’ve been reading this book called ‘Strengthening Yourself In The Lord’ and in one section it talks about testimonies. Testimony means ‘do again’ and God told us that we inherit every testimony of God. WOW! That means everything God has done in the lives of His Church (the people of God ), you inherit it. Some of you come from families with messy history. Unfortunately I do to but thankfully when I gave my life to Jesus I inherited his family history. Everything God has done for his people whether healing people with handkerchiefs or saving, delivering from addictions, parting seas into two, causing barren women to conceive, giving knowledge to the clueless, it’s all my family history now.

When I am ready to shoot my ball, these are the things I meditate on. I meditate on the testimonies and how amazing the works of God are but more so , how he can DO IT AGAIN. This way when i pray, I know that there is more than just the average everyday expectation. I’ve seen people healed when I laid hands on them. I have been delivered from pain and led people in pain to places of healing. I have seen restoration in my own life. I have seen my greed turn to kindness. I have seen addicts delivered. I have seen God provide supernaturally and more by HIS GRACE and by the Holy Spirit who is God that lives in me. He works through me like a vessel. For the things I haven’t seen, I keep believing because faith is not about what you see but what your heart believes and my heart believes that Jesus can do all things. This is my declaration.

3. I SURRENDER

This is the last one because these are big topics. We can praise and live but what are we living for ? Rather, who are we living for? Do you know there is a part of the bible that says not everyone that says ‘Lord Lord’ will enter the kingdom of heaven. That means you can shoot but your ball was not really aimed at the post. It’s almost like this player spoken about in Matthew 7:21 is aiming for the crowd so that human beings would give him praise. What is human praise compared to Gods love? It’s dust.

When my mum died I had to do a different kind of surrender. I was already a Christian but I needed to take my idea of life and put it in the hands of God. This life is not my own. I don’t live for me , I live for Jesus. I don’t own anything. No one around me is mine or belongs to me.

Wow, that’s a hard blow to take, but it’s very true.

I surrender because it’s easier. That may sound contradicting to what some people tell you but surrender is easy. It’s easier on your heart. We are all human. We can’t carry loads because it makes us tired. It’s like working out with weights every second of every day. Surrender is easy. Strong legs are not half as strong to God as falling on your knees (Psalm 147:10-11). Repent. Lay down your life and pick up a new life. For my battered and beaten heart, Jesus offered me a new, righteous , pure and loving one. Fortunately, I was not foolish enough to refuse. He offers this to you too because you have not been put on this earth to let sin make a mockery of you, your destiny is to rule with Jesus and to live like a child placing your feet in his footsteps. Greater things are ahead of you. If you want to know Jesus, and don’t have a relationship with him, read this with me;

Hi Jesus

I don’t need to introduce myself because you know my name. I am a sinner because I don’t have a relationship with you.

I thought my life was okay but it’s passive without you.

I have heard that you are life itself and I repent for my sin.

Here is my load Lord because I am not strong enough to lift it. Here is my heart because I am not big enough to fix it.

I believe you are the only way to true life and you died on the cross so I can have no more nails. I believe you rose in victory from the grave so that death stays in the grave and the power of God has set me free. I accept you as my Lord by faith.

I come to your throne declaring that my old life has passed away and I am no longer a slave. I am new in you. No more religion. No more living for the world. No more fear. No more being a victim of pain. I surrender all you you.

You have all of me and I have life in you. Fill me with your Spirit. Thank you for calling me. Thank you for your blood. Thank you for your love.

There you go. Healing is not having it all figured out or constantly being an emotional wreck. As a matter of fact, healing has little to do with us but more to do with a shifted perspective on the person of God and living out faith in this character because his word says you are already healed. You can trust that he is faithful and he loves you.

Tinuksx

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Loss and Emotions 

At first I wasn’t going to share my journey but a testimony is only a testimony if it’s shared so here we go. It’s been a while since I posted but I had a million ideas that didn’t finish executing. I’ll start from the beginning. In the Christmas holiday 2016 , my mum came over to spend Christmas with my siblings and I and she was really ill having lost 20kg. I didn’t understand what was going on and even though we were having some conflict because we disagreed on something, I was very concerned about her health and felt she was hiding something from me. We went to the hospital because she was terribly jaundiced and she went back to Nigeria because she had to work but we were meant to go to Singapore together in February and I planned to miss uni for a week to travel with her. When she went back to Nigeria , I spoke to her nearly everyday but sometimes she was in too much pain to pick up the phone. At some point she just stopped picking up the phone and that is when I became seriously worried. It had been a week or so and there was no response to emails, phone calls or texts from a woman who requested that I called her everyday and was angry when I did otherwise. She called me after a week and spoke for about three minutes because she was on morphin and then the network gave in and there was no call back. That was the last time I spoke to my mum. 

On Wednesday the 1st of March I had a heavy feeling that my mum was going to die. I normally go to church Wednesday evenings but I stayed home to pray, cry and talk to God. I came to the conclusion that it was all in my head but whatever happens , God is on my side. That Saturday, I was in Warwick for my friend’s 20th birthday celebration and my brother called me, told me to sit where my friends are and then told me my mum had passed away. It felt almost unreal and a rush of questions ran through my head all at once such that pain was building up in my heart yet. I did not “feel God” at that moment but as those questions rushed through my head, so did a range of bible verses that kept my spirit going through the difficult year. 

“Planted in you is a seed of peace and prosperity ” 

“God withholds no good thing from those who walk up rightly ” 

“There is joy for those whose strength is in the Lord ” 

“Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds” James 1:2

How does one consider the experience of a mother’s death as an opportunity for joy? The bible can be backwards. The first week after I was in denial of emotions. Anyone who knows me well enough knows that I do not embrace my emotions but this was heavy. I was constantly tired, I couldn’t do any uni work and emotionally there was a weight on my chest. There was a lot to sort out so I dove into organisation to keep myself busy and avoid being by myself. Regardless of my denial, God was still speaking through sermons and in my quiet time to tell me to keep building. I’m going to be honest with you. At this point , I didn’t see what more I can build. My mum was my financial support, my encourager, a role model and the person I have so many memories with. She was the one who bothered herself daily when I was ill and who told me things about myself no one ever dared to tell me. I was shook. We never liked to imagine the worst and my mum passed away from pancreatic cancer that metastasised to her liver and I didn’t know. I’m some ways, I felt guilty. On another hand, I felt incapable of filling the shoes left behind. I could not be business mogul and mother so that lack of sufficiency layed heavy on me but that is where God’s promises come in to affirm us that through our insufficiency , Gods grace is sufficient. It’s strange how through the painful experience , God has shown me so much love. From the first day I found out, all my families have been a  massive support for my siblings and I. My church family have filled my life with more laughter and hope through the word of God and banter. My family in Nigeria stepped in from day one to lift the load for all of us in terms of organisation and funds. 
I hadn’t been back to Nigeria for 4 years due to a range of family issues that I won’t go into detail about so as to not give Lagos gossips something to talk about. I was scared to come back because I was so used to having such a small family. I didn’t remember what it was like to have a massive amount of people care for me. I had gone through the journey of forgiveness but God showed me I still had more forgiving to do. I’ll say something, if you think you are a born again Christian and you refuse to let go of any fixed negative opinion or slight hatred (an absence of love ) for someone, your salvation will be hindered. I had to let go completely of whatever i had heard or been told about anyone , start from the beginning and trust God. I have met so many people with trust issues and I have come to the conclusion that trust issues is an issue for those who try to trust in people more than God. My trust issues had to be thrown aside along with every sin that was keeping me from seeing God’s hand (Hebrews 12) and I had to go into Nigeria with an open mind and graceful heart. I thank God for letting me do that because he showed me that there was more to the story than I thought. Throughout this whole process, there are a million things I learnt but I will share a valuable lesson. If you are not born again, you are living for nothing because when the going gets tough , you will want to get tougher and come to the realisation that some things are beyond human strength. God’s words are the most comforting words and fulfilling promises. Moreover, the Holy Spirit that plays out the truth of those words with power in our hearts will take a problem and show you that you are a human by letting you go through the pain and experience emotions but will comfort you by showing you who God is. God is a father. God is the only one who can restore in a way that surpasses our understanding. God wants us to talk to him about our pain and know that it’s okay not to be okay sometimes. It’s okay to cry and scream and tell God you have no idea what to do because it is when you embrace your weakness that God in his infinite strength can step in. Faith as small as a mustard seed is literally all you need. I had the littlest faith every day as I never expected God to do half the amazing things He did, I just knew he would do something and that little something is all I held on to for prayers to be answered with provision , joy and peace. 

Now, I’m still not 100 percent okay. Exam season is coming and I don’t know where to start. There are a million things to sort out and I’m relearning so many people in both sides of my massive family so it’s a tad bit overwhelming. All I know at the point is that God has me in the palm of his hands and whatever happens, as long as I put my feet when he puts his light, the darkness before my eyes will become light. He’s so good even when the circumstances are bitter. I am so thankful for every step of trouble I have experienced to get to this point of fulfilment in Christ. After a month of offloading emotions and battling with my pride, I can finally say that from embracing weakness I count it all as joy. 

Love Tinuksx  

12 Promises from 2016- DAY 10

PEACE

Peace starts with stillness and stillness starts with trust so if you’re looking for peace, maybe you need to ask yourself if you trust God and assure yourself in the fact that he is the all-loving, all-sufficient and almighty creator of your existence. I hope you love this cheeky video from my birthday celebration with some of my family ❤

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